Day after a Binge – Do something to make yourself feel loved

self-loveThe day after a binge we all almost always feel humiliation and guilt.  Our self-esteem and self-confidence suffers because we feel like we don’t have any self-control or discipline.  We also often feel ashamed and sometimes embarrassed as well.

The first thing we want to do is beat ourselves up – and the second thing we want to do is drink in order to cope with the shame. But what we NEED to do instead is the absolute opposite – we need to do something that BOOSTS our self-esteem or increases our confidence. And believe it or not being kind to ourselves is the best place to start. If that is just too difficult, then being kind to others is the next best thing.

Here are some ideas:

  1. Self-Love:
    1. Treat yourself to a manicure-pedicure
    2. Get a massage – or ask your spouse or child to give you a massage or brush your hair
    3. Splurge – some type of special food or outing
    4. Meditation and positive affirmations
  2. Be kind to someone else or do something philanthropic – practice random acts of kindness, smile at or hold the door for a stranger, do some volunteer work, or pay the toll for the person in the car behind you.
  3. THEN GET SOME EXERCISE!!!! The greatest way to blast away a hangover is to work out – get your blood pumping and some oxygen flowing. It will also boost your confidence!

Next time you go over your limit the night before, try some of these ideas the next day. And email me to let me know how they worked!! (

VIDEO – No Pain No Gain – Staying Strong


Alcohol and substances will keep you comfortable at best. But they also keep you from accomplishing your goals, making the big changes that you need to make to improve your life, and to create the life that you love to wake up to every morning. Even the day after a binge – the residual alcohol or toxins keep your brain foggy and keep you from performing at even 50% of what you NEED to perform at to break through and be successful!

You have to feel the pain – embrace the pain and push through it because on the other side of the pain is the massive reward of the life you want to live and the person your want to be!!

So last video you identified some dreams and passions to pursue. These are things like

  • Start your own business
  • Launch a new 501c3 for your favorite or most passionate cause
  • Run a ½ marathon
  • Compete in a fitness competition
  • Move to a different part of the country or world

These are things to get you inspired and looking forward to something – get you excited about life and too busy or focused on the positive goals that there is no room for drinking or overeating or sabotaging your progress.

You also identified some areas of your life that may be competing with your dreams or progress – we call these triggers because they are essentially forms of PAIN that often lead to wanting to self-medicate to get immediate relief or immediate gratification. The stress or the anxiety or fear or sadness becomes so strong at times that we just want to check out by turning to forms of pleasure or anesthesia – like food, drugs and alcohol.

But this is the thing – you have to listen to this and you have to believe this – Persevering and pushing through the pain results in getting not only through it – but so far ahead of it because anytime you face something head on and realize that you are strong and that you will survive – that you will success –  you wind up with 10X the amount of self-confidence and pride afterward.

But if you DON’T take action against these problems they will only get worse.

Watch the Video above to get inspired to push through the tough times and create a life you’ll love – and stop turning to alcohol in order to cope.

(And if you missed Video 1, CLICK HERE).

Do You Choose to SUFFER or Choose to CHANGE?

suffer or changeI was having a conversation with my youngest daughter this morning as she was getting ready for school. I was telling her about the differences in the successful MODER8 program participants versus people that just come looking for a quick fix and bounce away. She said something that was “Tweetable” – she said “It’s one thing to be willing to suffer, it’s another to be willing to change.”

We all deal with what seems like insurmountable conflict and challenges at times. These things cause us to feel pain.  It’s what we choose to do about the pain that steers the course of our lives.

If we choose to continue to drink or turn to food or other substances or had habits in order to simply relieve or numb the pain, the source of the pain will never go away or change.  However, if we change how we deal with the pain – we will ultimately REDUCE the pain (or suffering from the pain) or even eliminate the pain or source of the pain.

Obviously this isn’t black and white. There are some things in our life that are absolutely out of our control – for instance our age or legal limitations, disease, etc. – but it’s how we either view the issue or ultimately how we seek pleasure that can help reduce the pain or suffering caused by the situation.

I don’t mean to be vague here – it’s just that the specifics can vary so much – but 90% of the time, the problem or source of pain is ULTIMATELY something we CAN eventually change – if not by getting away from the situation (example – move, change jobs, end a relationship) but by HOW we deal with it (put yourself in the other person’s shoes, know that this isn’t your problem that it’s up to the other person to address, you aren’t their parent, etc.) Think LOGICALLY or rationally about the situation versus emotionally with distorted thoughts or catastrophizing.  It requires taking a breath and being mindful in the moment – and ALL of this takes work or practice. For instance, not allowing someone to bully you or being assertive can be SCARY – but eventually by changing YOU, you change or retrain the other person as to how they can treat you.

But if you don’t CHANGE yourself, stand up for yourself, or take the action to change jobs or get legal advice or whatever you need to do to change the situation and eliminate the pain or reduce the suffering, you will continue to feel the pain or the suffering every time the pleasure or pain relief of the alcohol, drugs or chocolate cake wear off!! So it gets back to that question – “What do you choose – to suffer or to change?”

Ignite Your Motivational Fire

Part 1 of 3-Part Video Series on Overcoming the Self-Sabotage of Addictive Bad Habits.

In this video, Part 1 of the series, we’re going to cover Igniting Your Motivational Fire.  We’ll discover the reasons you turn to substances in order to feel good or to cope, and we’re also going to create your inner FIRE to TAKE CONTROL of your bad habits – and to start taking the positive actions to create the YOU and the LIFE you truly want to live.

What are YOU Powered by? What’s the Fire that burns inside of you and fuels you forward even when you hit roadblocks?

What’s your “WHY?” –” as they say in the business and motivational world.

What motivates you to control your drinking or go days without drinking? Or for my MODER8 clients, what motivates you to stick to your AF days or your M8 drinking plans? You have to WANT it more than anything else in the world. Staying complacent will only keep you drinking or overeating every day.

You have to identify who and what it is that you want to be – and determine what it’s going to take to get there – and COMMIT to it! It’s not until your WHY is strong enough….that gets you out of bed in the morning wanting to be at the top of your game and in control that you’ll stop binging or drinking daily or eating junk food every day.

So tell me this,  how many times do you hit the snooze button on your alarm before you ever get out of bed in the morning? If you keep hitting snooze in order to postpone getting started with your day – or essentially trying to postpone your life as you know it – then something is VERY wrong – either with your job, your relationships or your sense of YOU and what you have to offer yourself and the world.

It means that you don’t have anything that excites you and makes you WANT to get out of bed and get started with your day – And unless you have that, you’re going to continue to binge at night or drink every day. Your drinking or substance abuse and lack of motivation are ALL symptoms of either an unfulfilled life or else one with issues or baggage that must be addressed.

Maybe you started drinking a few years ago to deal with a traumatic event in your life, and now it’s just become a bad habit, or maybe you’ve been drinking since you were a teenager and you just don’t know how to quit or slow down, but your self-esteem and self-confidence have suffered because of it and your negative sense of self and guilt just keep you stuck and not trying to do anything positive for yourself.

If you want to get control of your drinking or your other bad habits, you have to identify the reasons that you turn to these unhealthy forms of pleasure or escape, and cultivate your  “WHY” to take control of these bad habits and turn your life around.

You know, your husband can be mad at you, your wife can be threatening to leave – may even have liver damage, diabetes  or a DUI – But these things are not motivating – in fact they do quite the opposite – they set up the negative emotions that make you just want to stick you head in the sand and stay in an alcohol or sugar – induced coma.

Instead you need a Positive reason to get control of your drinking or bad habits  – a Solution-Focused Strategy instead of a Problem-Focused Strategy- that PULLS you instead of PUSHES you and gives you something to look forward to and to get enthusiastic about…something to give you renewed hope of creating a life and accomplishing goals that truly make you happy and content, and in which you don’t need or want to drink or turn to other substances or behaviors because they just gets in the way of becoming the person that you want to be, living the life that you want to live.!!!!

So we’re going to do 2 things in this video:

1) We’re going to do a life inventory and determine what areas of your life may be leading to over eating, drinking, etc. and also where areas of your life are lacking…possibly keeping you stuck or turning to the bottle or box of snack cakes in order to cope?

2) And then we’re going to start cultivating your PASSION – your FIRE – your “WHY” to stay in control of your life and get rid of the negative bad habits.


Long Term Effects of Binge Drinking

medical-effects-binge-drinkingSo maybe you don’t drink every day, but when you do drink you rarely stop at just 1 or 2…in fact often it turns into a bottle or 2 of wine, or a six-pack or so of beer and then waking up the next morning not remembering how you got to bed.

If you’ve been concerned about your drinking you probably already know that regular excessive drinking can lead to diabetes, liver and heart disease, cancer, stroke, and more.  But what if you aren’t a daily drinker – maybe only on the weekends, but binge when you do drink? Well the long term effects of binge drinking can have the same health and safety issues as daily excessive drinking.

But does it really matter? Do you think knowing this is going to cause you to change your drinking habits? Not likely – or maybe it will for a couple of weeks, but then you’ll go back to your old habits because if the negative consequences could get you to stop drinking – you would have done it a long time ago.  Knowing the destructive side effects only increases the negative emotions that you already have and that you are already drinking to escape from.

Instead you have to find a positive reason to cut back or change your behavior. The MODER8 moderate drinking program is based on this philosophy of Solution-Focused – focusing on creating the life you want to live or being the person you want to be instead of focusing on the problem – the drinking. For more on this read “Getting Control of Your Drinking – Focusing on the Solution.

How to Stop Drinking

If you want to learn how to stop drinking, the first question you have to ask yourself is “Do you REALLY WANT to stop drinking?” and the second question you have to ask yourself is “WHY do you want to stop drinking?”

If the answer to question #1 is something like “More than anything in the world,” and the answer to #2 is comparable to  “Because I want to do it for ME – to feel better, look better, have greater self-esteem or to enjoy life again!” then you are well on your way to a solid commitment and success.

And if you are committed to stopping drinking for yourself, then start by:

  • Picking a date to stop.
  • Discovering and planning positive healthy activities to bring you either joy, relaxation or entertainment (Use this worksheet to help you).
  • Identify some goals and things that you want to do or accomplish and that you’ve been ignoring or putting off because you’ve been drinking all the time.
  • Know potential triggers that will make you want to drink – sometimes worse than you could have predicted – and plan how to deal with these triggers besides drink.
  • Identify a support network – which you can confide in and not feel judged.
  • ENJOY LIFE with a clear head, feeling great and looking healthier & vibrant.

However, if you realize down deep inside that you only WANT to WANT to stop drinking, then don’t set yourself up for failure by trying to quit before you are ready. Perhaps you should try just cutting back on the number of drinks that you are drinking when you drink or set some new rules around your drinking. (Read this blog, “What If You Don’t Really Want to Stop Drinking.”)

Perhaps even try some moderate drinking strategies (watch this video).

But whatever you do, don’t continue to judge or condemn yourself for your drinking. You drink because that’s what you know how to do right now, or at least, it’s all you have the desire to do right now. It doesn’t make you a bad person…it just means you aren’t ready to change your behavior. Keep reading the blogs here at, watching the videos and working on creating other goals besides trying to stop drinking, and eventually the desire will come to you and you’ll want to change your behavior FOR YOU!

How to Stop Binge Drinking


I can’t count the number of times in the past that I planned to just have one or two drinks – for whatever reason-and it turned into a full out binge where I woke up the next morning not remembering how I got to bed or what I did before I got there. Does this sound familiar?

Well I eventually LEARNED how to stop binge drinking – and it took a while to figure out – but this is what works for me and I’d like you to give it a try:

  • Know your mindset BEFORE you drink – H-A-L-T: are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired…or thirsty, bored, sad, etc.? Then ATTEND to these issues first, otherwise you are destined to binge drink in an attempt to resolve these issues.
  • Have something planned for the next day where you want to be alert, energetic and at the top of your game?
  • Decide on your limit (mine is usually 2 or 3 glasses of wine or beer) and when possible, only have that much available to you.
  • Pace yourself! For best results, start out with a non-alcoholic beverage FIRST, it quenches your thirst, fills you up and it sets the tone for civilized sipping versus frat-house style shot-slamming. Then pour ½ servings of wine or beer into your glass, or dilute your mixed drinks, and SIP.
  • Alternate non-alcoholic beverages – or have something like water sitting next to your alcoholic beverage to drink as you go. What I do is have a club soda or sparkling water going at the same time and I DRINK the club soda for thirst and then I SIP on my wine for taste.
  • Plan what you’ll do when you reach your limit- Stop drinking and switch to something intensely pleasurable to signal the end of the drinking and to switch gears. I switch to a small piece of dessert like dark chocolate mousse or a small slice of cheesecake and a cup of decaf coffee. OK – I hear some of you say, “I can’t eat dessert…I’m on a diet.” Well here’s a wakeup call…you just consumed who knows how many calories and grams of sugar while you were drinking…and what if you continued to drink instead of using this technique to help you stop drinking? A 300-400 calorie piece of dessert is pretty insignificant in comparison.
  • Then go to bed soon or if it’s earlier in the day or evening do something physical. Getting O2 pumping helps to metabolize the residual alcohol and metabolic by-products that can leave you feeling a little icky and wanting to drink more to feel better again.

So after you try these steps, let me know how they worked for you – or if you came up with your own strategies. I look forward to hearing from you!

Interested in learning more about how to stop binge drinking? Check out how Moder8 works.

Can an Alcoholic Learn to Drink in Moderation?

image-alcoholic-or-moderate-drinkerProbably one of the most debated topics in the addiction community is whether or not an “alcoholic” can ever learn to drink moderately.  And my controversial answer is “Yes of course – anyone can do anything they want to if they want to badly enough – I did!”

It all starts with your mindset and getting rid of the label “alcoholic.”  What is an alcoholic anyway? The answer is just as vague as the answer to the question “what is normal?” If you think there is something wrong with you or that you don’t have the ability to control or change something, then that is what your subconscious mind will play out. Yes, you may have a biochemical or neurological vulnerability to abuse certain substances or turn to bad habits to escape or cope, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t LEARN how to overcome and take control. (Read more about this in “Alcohol Abuse-Genetic Brain Disease or Bad Habit”.)

I know this because I did it myself – I used to use the label “alcoholic” to describe myself in AA meetings for a couple of years. I believed that one drop of alcohol would send me to a binge and that my life depended on me staying completely abstinent. But over time, that just didn’t make sense to me…and so I started researching and taking the steps that ultimately resulted in creating a moderation program and supplement that worked for ME, and now works for many others when they work at staying mindful, vigilant and USE the TOOLS and STRATEGIES presented in all of the materials.

If you are a MODER8 customer, make sure you are taking your MODER8 regularly, especially before you drink, and doing the exercises and incorporating the strategies in the downloadable workbook or the hard copy MODER8 book.

If you are having a hard time staying focused and implementing the strategies, then you might want to try some coaching. Check out this link for more information.

If you’ve never tried the MODER8 system, I invite you to try the FREE 5-Day Jumpstart program to see what it’s like before you commit to a 1-Month or 3-Month Starter System.

But whatever you do – KNOW that it starts in your mind. Whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you’re right!

photo credit: Cosmo (232/365) via photopin (license)

What If You Don’t Really Want to Stop Drinking?

Moderate drinking, by definition, is not daily drinking. In order to successfully master moderation, you need to be able to go periods of time without alcohol.

But what if you aren’t ready to give up daily drinking?

The reasons may vary from either your current situation seeming just too intolerable and feeling the need to use alcohol to escape – to just being bored and not having any other form of enjoyment in your life.   If the reason is that you’re in a miserable or stressful situation, then by all means start creating plans to change the situation. Just sticking your head in a bottle of wine or booze won’t make it go away. You have to start taking action – NOW.  However, if you feel you need to drink until the problem or situation is resolved then make sure you set some rules and limits for yourself:

  • Decide on a manageable amount to drink daily that won’t result in blackouts or feeling like crap the next day.
  • ALWAYS drink water or some other non-alcoholic beverage at the same time or intermittently with your cocktails.
  • PACE yourself – Drink Slower! Pour ½ servings and sip instead of slamming it down. I promise, you WILL feel it.
  • Make sure you never drink and drive over the legal limit. (Get some type of personal breathalyzer to keep track).
  • For more info on setting safe boundaries around drinking visit the HAMS Network – Harm Reduction website.
  • Continue to take your MODER8 to reduce feelings of stress and the amount that you drink.
  • Take steps toward changing your triggering situation every day!

Then once you’re ready, pick a day and commit to having a day or more without drinking. Here is a series of videos to get you going. 7-Day-Alcohol-Challenge.